The Top Ten Signs You Have The Wrong Lawyer

1. Instead of “Objection!” he keeps yelling, “Bingo!”
2. She keeps asking you things like, “Would it kill you to say you did it?”
3. Your legal team is suing each other because someone ate the last bagel.
4. The only motion he’s made has been rubbing his crotch.
5. He giggles uncontrollably every time anyone says the word “briefs.”
6. He’s incredulous that he lost the case and says, “Well, it worked on Judge Judy!”
7. Instead of “Your Honor,” your attorney addresses the judge as “Player.”
8. She’s drinking rum and cokes for breakfast in the parking lot.
9. Half of his previous clients have tried to kill him.
10. His law degree is from the University of Baghdad.