#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.? They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning?? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again, or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.? Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair?? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota.? Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.? We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that THE Chief of Police is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS...


#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?? You're right, we don't. Sign here."